I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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