sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
