My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
