ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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