I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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