my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize