WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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