Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
