I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
