two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize