I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's always time for handjobs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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