i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
