dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
