A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
