By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
