If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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