Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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