oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
