So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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