thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
