it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
