Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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