I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
