When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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