i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
