Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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