I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
