i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
