My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
