so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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