i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
