So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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