READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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