Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
