No awkward lesbian experiences without me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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