how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
