I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
