We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize