Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
