i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
