Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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