well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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