I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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