one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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