She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
