So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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