I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
