I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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