the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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