his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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