I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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