Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
