The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
