Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
