You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
