I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
