I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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