i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
