my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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