dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
