I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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