I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
