He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
