I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
