I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize