we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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