You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
