he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
