If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize