Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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