You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've blown a few things in my day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
