I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
