Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
