He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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