he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
