Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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