I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ttyl tear gas
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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