I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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