So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I sprained my soul last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
