Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
