feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
