She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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