A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
