So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
