I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
