Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just crazy horny about you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
