cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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