i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
