Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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