I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
