He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize