I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
