Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
