So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
