3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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