Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
