dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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