I am midnight drunk by noon
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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