dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
