My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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