This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
