i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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