We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
