How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
