I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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