What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
